strange.

This morning I woke up at 9, got ready for the day.
Went to Chapters. Saw Polly Peterson, Robin Baker, Dave Johnstone, Mark Pothoff. Got a vanilla steamer and a bagel with cream cheese.
No surprises.

It's like I never left. How can it possibly be that way? Why is life so normal?

And yet...I went. There are pictures. There are memories. There is a journal full of events.

Now I'm in an airport again. Ready to leave for another country. Canada, here I come. And processing must happen.

ukarumpa.

This is my first actual PNG blog, two weeks into the trip.

I’m sad about that, for I’ve had more amazing experiences in these last two weeks than I’ve had in the last year. But internet is hard to come by in this country: expensive and uncommon. And so the blog of my experience suffers.

But I’ve been writing a lot, barely able to keep up on my journaling for each new day. I try to take every spare moment to write down thoughts, events, quotes. Occasionally, life gets in the way, and people take preference over reclusive scribbling.

We’re in Ukarumpa, in the highlands. Ukarumpa has been called “Little America,” a better term maybe “Little Western Civilization” as there is a multitude of Western cultures represented here. It was a hard transition from a campus of black nationals who we got to know and love to a town of white expatriates who look and talk very much like we do. We don’t miss the heat and constant stickiness of Lae, but we do miss the friends we made in a few short days.

Lae seems a world away from where we are now. My Lae is Todd’s house that the entire team stayed in for six nights, sleeping on mats with the windows open. Hoping that the power didn’t go off during the heat of the day and take our cool ceiling fan air. Seeing little 6-year-old Mainu at our door, wanting chocolate and Stephen. The silent and cool mornings, with my teammates writing in their journals, reading their Bibles, closing their eyes to listen. The birds outside the windows at all hours of the day and night. Mama Jere in the kitchen, delighted to make us food and do our laundry. Waving and saying “Apinun” to each passerby. Having brown faces light up when you walk into the room, not because you’re white but because they know your name and they know you want to hear about their lives. The feeling of community. And stories.

Ukarumpa is different. The entire team is staying in the homes of host families, so we’re separated most of the day until we have to perform. I feel secure with my teammates; without them, I feel vaguely off-kilter. And the entire town is so different, so..comfortable. So not Lae. But we have been welcomed here too. Our families have accepted us into their households with smiles and joy. We walk up and down the hills in the cool air, not feeling wet at every moment. I even wore pants this morning under my dress (it’s 4:08 PM here). The birds are different, the trees are different. Life is different here. We’re working mostly with Europeans, or at least English-speakers. But they need to express their stories just like the New Guineans do. Ukarumpa has been a challenge to our expectations and preconceived notions.

God has been surprising us every step of the way, from Emily being able to communicate with two deaf New Guinean teens, to an amazing youth worship service last night where we jumped and dance and laughed.

We went to the market this morning, and got some amazing gifts for ourselves and others. But as I was walking around, each thing I saw triggered a memory. I realized that nothing I bring home will ever do justice to this beautiful country. My faulty memory won’t even be enough. Which is why I will write.

I’m not thinking about what I’m going to write yet. I just want to live each moment purely and truly.

Please keep praying. There’s been talk of some unrest in Goroka and Lae, perhaps just as a result from fortnight last Friday, payday and a night of major alcohol consumption. Pray for safety as we travel to Goroka on Wednesday; also pray for strength and willingness, as we enter a cultural experience unlike any we’ve had yet. I’m sure I’ll have much to write about from there. Also, pray for health for our poor tummies. Everyone has been having some digestive issues lately, and it’s not helping our energy level.

And pray for us as we go, that God goes ahead of us and prepares amazing people for us to meet and talk to.

Love from all of us here in PNG: Sara, Jessie, Stephen, Nicole, Cyndi, Whitney, Emily, Karith, Jordan, Jere, Todd, and Rhett. We are safe, we are well, and we are changed.

lae.

Hello from Papua New Guinea.

Internet access is very limited, so I can't really write everything that is happening. I've been writing pages and pages in my journal, just so that I can remember everything when I come home. So expect more when I arrive back in the States and internet access is prevalent.

This is place is unlike any other that I have experienced. So hot, so humid, drenched in sweat 24 hours a day. Massive coconut trees. Pounding rains. People that are so kind and beautiful, so giving of what little they have and so happy just to shake your hand and say thank you.

Martin Luther Seminary, where we've been for the last five days, is a beautiful place with beautiful men and women that love the Lord and love us.

I cannot say enough. But that has to be enough for now. There is so so so much that I want to say but I have to go. Know I'm safe, I'm being brave, and I'm going strong. Prayers: please keep them coming, and love: send it over the ocean to me.

australia.

This will be quick since I have less than 3 minutes left on my internet cafe card. :)

We're in Australia, safe and sound. The trip was long but amazing, and today has been long (and amazing). And it's only 3:40 pm (though my body rejects that). We got to pet kangaroos and hold koalas today, and it's been a great day. I am TIRED.

Tomorrow we head to PNG, so there the true adventures begin. The hot, sticky, sweaty adventures!

More to follow! Thanks for your love and prayers.

away we go!

1 hour and 27 minutes before the team is meeting on campus in the Ross/Bauman parking lot.

Then to PDX for tickets and checking luggage.
Through security to the terminal.
Wait.
Flight to LA at 5pm.
Dinner in LAX.
14 hour flight to Brisbane.
Customs at some point.
Day in Australia: koalas? Beach?
Overnight at host homes.
Flight to Port Moresby.

And we're there.

Officially, we'll arrive in Papua New Guinea on the 7th of May, which will technically be the 6th here since we'll flight right over Cinco de Mayo. We'll be 6 hours ahead, in terms of jet lag. The wall of humidity (currently at 95% in Port Moresby) will knock us on our backs as we step off the plane; the bugs will be big, the air hot, the language unfamiliar, and the faces much tanner than our own.

I can't believe today is the day. I'm still not prepared, I'm not ready, I didn't do any research, I didn't read enough, I didn't study the language or the culture. I need more time. And yet, me being who I am, I always need more time. I never feel prepared. So the thing to do is go.

Go fast, go far, go strong. Be brave. Eyes wide, heart wider, and mouth closed so that ears can open. Step out with faith and love, smiles and laughter, and kindness that needs no words but instead shines.

I'm super scared. I had trouble falling asleep; I woke up far too early this morning. Stephen, Jessie, and I have been racing around Newberg, getting snacks, sending letters, making copies. The apartment is clean for our return; leftovers are out on the table for lunch. Bags are packed, mine clocking in at a light 38 pounds. We're all set to go. Except that I'm scared.

We're supposed to bring our patience along, said Rhett. We're supposed to hold our plans loosely. We're supposed to take things as they come. I'm not good at any of those things. And I have no idea what to expect, except at some point apparently some body painting and (topless) tribal dancing around a fire until daybreak.

I'm oh-so-afraid, but I know this will be the biggest adventure of my life thus far. I don't put myself out there very often, but I have no choice now. I'm leaving in 1 hour and 17 minutes, and I'm not coming back the same woman. I'm hopeful of that.

I know God has prepared this for me. Know why?
Because I got the Richters Grant and I didn't have to pay for this trip.
Because my job to do is what I love best: write.
Because three of my closest friends will be with me.
Because there are missionaries from Grace Baptist in Calgary that are in PNG right nowwhich my mom found out the week after I got the grant.
Because I got Chacos for $35.
Because I got to write a script for our team.
Because I have people praying for me.
Because my mother emailed me and told me that she is proud of me, and to go and blossom into more of who I was created to be.
Because Jon Acuff wrote about God not needing me.
Because Pastor John's sermon yesterday was about living in God's peace through prayer and release, no matter what comes my way.
Because Omi sent me $150 for everything I needed.

Because the Kelm family verse this year is Jesus' words in Mark 6:50, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

I do not need to be afraid. Because this trip, this is Jesus. Jesus will be in every face I see, every experience I have. Because Jesus is present, with me, alongside of me, within me, throughout me, and covering me, I do not have to be afraid. And I will take the courage of my Saviour as I go, and write, and cry, and laugh, and sweat, and sleep, and sing, and walk, and learn, and grow, and change.

Pray me there, my dear and loving friends. Pray me home. And pray for transformation and safety along the way.

PNG, here I come.
(PAPUA NEW GUINEA, HERE I COME!)

1 hour and 4 minutes. Ready or not, here I go!

insights.

There's this blog I frequent titled "Stuff Christians Like," written by the very funny Jon Acuff. The site is a blatant rip-off of the successful "Stuff White People Like" site, but has a wonderful satirical tone that both pokes fun at the Christian subculture, while also celebrating and questioning why this subculture functions the way it does. It's written by someone on the "inside," who both smirks at Christians while proudly claiming the title. It is one of the funniest thing I've ever read, which is why I visit the blog daily.

Every so often, Jon writes a personal blog that isn't humor-focused, but instead relates what he has been learning in his own spiritual life. I've found that these insights often speak to me profoundly and have some relation to where I am in my own spiritual jaunt.

Most of the blog titles are numbered and detail the stuff Christians like. A post from last week was titled "Thinking God Needs You." Jon, as a writer finishing his first book (based around his blog concept), has been blogging about the whole process. Here's part of what he wrote:

"I started to get fearful about posting on the site and writing the book because I didn’t want to mess up whatever it was God needed me to do.

In the midst of that time, God reminded me of a powerful truth, “He doesn’t need me. He loves me.” There’s a big difference between those two things.

Need is a partnership.

Love is a relationship.

He doesn’t call me on this adventure called life so that I can, with my deep pools of awesomeness, release some sort of handcuffs He’s wearing. He calls me on this adventure because He knows I love adventures and He enjoys seeing me do things I love.

The more time I wrestled with that thought, the juxtaposition of need vs. love, the more I began to think that I had this whole thing backwards. Maybe if I listened to God and was honest with Him He’d whisper to me:

“Let me be clear. I am God. I am complete. I do not need your additions. I want your work to be an overflow of love. I want to pour so much love and strength and truth into you that you cannot help but do things. Add to the world. Add to the people around you. Overflow on them what I give to you. Not because I need you to do something but because you can’t help but go out and share the love I am overflowing in you."

Does God call us into big adventures that take us across the planet and across the break room at work? Without a doubt. Does He have a purpose for us that He loves seeing us fulfill in obedience? Certainly. Does He call us into those adventures because without us He can’t complete the work He intends? I don’t think so, because that would make Him an “almost god.” As in, He was almost able to tell people about His deep, ridiculous love for them online but He needed me to write the Stuff Christians Like blog first. Ha, that’s just silly."

This was something I definitely needed to hear (read?) at this moment. I've felt anxious and nearly stuck in my fear because of my uncertainty about what I'll produce after this trip. But I truly believe the only reason I'm going on this trip is because Jesus wants me to go. How else would I be able to go overseas to Papua New Guinea, get paid to go, and be forced to do the thing I love? And because of that, I don't need to be afraid. To quote Mr. Acuff again, "He calls me on this adventure because He knows I love adventures and He enjoys seeing me do things I love."

God doesn't need my words; he created them. He loves them because he loves me; he delights in them because he delights in me. He made me this way, a person who thinks and feels in metaphors and irony, in parallel sentences and creative essay structures. And to deny that part of myself would be to deny what God has created in me.

I love insights from unexpected places. Thanks, Jon.

[Read the entire post here: http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2009/04/527-thinking-god-needs-you.html]

2 days.

2 days. 2 days. 2 days.

And it still hasn't sunk in yet. That's slightly unsettling. I feel like it should be more real. I feel like I should feel something, anything. But instead I just feel tired, worn-out, emotionally exhausted. It's called "the end of the semester."

Still, I keep getting glimpses of the reality, that sick feeling in my stomach that is a mix of anxiety, appreciation, and excitement.

I had a glimpse when I turned in my Lit Crit paper last Friday, and the major stress of the semester was done.
A glimpse when the theatre department surrounded us and prayed for the entire team at theatre banquet last Monday.
A glimpse when I called my bank to tell them that I'd be using my ATM card in Australia and Papua New Guinea.
A glimpse when it turned May.
A glimpse when I had no more finals to check off my list.
A glimpse when I watched dear friends walk across the stage to get their diplomas today and I realized that they were done with college, school was over for the year, and I was getting on a plane in 48 hours.

I'm not sure what to think. I don't have any frame of reference for PNG; I have zero idea of what it's going to be like. Maybe that's good, maybe that's bad. But it is, and I know it'll be the biggest adventure of my 21 years. Thanks for going with me on this adventure; I'm stronger because you're behind me.

I really need to start packing. Really badly.

Tomorrow.