it's all about perspective, part 2

Welcome to all of the new people that are reading. Well, if there's anyone that's reading. :) I sent out emails to a great amount of people this weekend. I was ready to invite you on my adventure, because I know I can't do it alone. Be forewarned, though: I'm going to be honest and vulnerable about what I'm thinking, feeling, and experiencing. I might not always be nice; I might not always be excited or happy. But I'm going to try to be real, or as close to that as possible.

After sending out the mass email, I got a beautiful response from someone. Her insight touched me. She said,

"As you wrote about you anxieties the thought that came to my mind was... who really are you writing this project for? Yes, on one hand you are writing for a group of people that will review your work in relation to the grant you received, but on the other hand, may I suggest that as you write to listen to your heart, go with your gut instinct (discerning), write from your heart, for I think when you allow yourself to be vulnerable is when you find Christ and through that blessing are able to bless others and glorify God. This project was impressed upon you for a reason. As I found in reading your blog, when you write from the heart and are vulnerable it is beautiful. I hope somehow this gives you a sense of freedom and encouragement. You are truly a gifted writer. Have fun with it, soak in it, and experience all that you can :=)"

That was just what I needed. I know in my heart that there is a higher purpose for this project, but I never really connected that with my anxiety of authorship. I am writing for the committee, but I'm also writing for myself (that I may remember this experience for the rest of my life), for others (that they may know what I went through), and the God that lives within me (that he might be lifted up through my words, my song of praise). The pressure I'm putting on myself is truly just me putting pressure on myself. It's my fear of the unknown; not just concerning the trip, but also what I will produce from the trip. I can't say, "Well, I plan to write a 10 page segmented essay about this lady with a red bilum that I see at the marketplace." But I have to trust that the images - the people, places, and things - that I see on this trip are put before my eyes for a specific reason. And it is because God knows that he has gifted me with the love of words and the ability to put them together. And he knows that I will do for those images in the best way I know how. That's all I can do, and that will be enough for my true Audience.